I’ve been putting this out of my mind for weeks now, not sure if it’s avoidance or I’m actually getting over it. It’s getting easier to forget that I am bankrupt but the fact that I am still technically unemployed and living with my parents is more apparent. I think if I had a job and a place of my own I would hardly even notice at all. I’m dying to see if the Trustee will let me go overseas and visit my sister. I want to go to New York with my mum next year as well. I’ll have to save my arse off to do it but I am determined.
How long has it been now? It’s 15 weeks today, just over three months. It all feels like a bad dream. Another life I left behind. I struggle to recall the anxiety and guilt I was feeling mere weeks ago. Instead I can see that I did the right thing. Absolutely, the right thing. Just like leaving a bad relationship or breaking a bad habit, it feels so wrong in the moment, it feels like you’ll never know a time when it isn’t effecting every minute of your day, taking up all your energy and crowding your brain with thoughts and feelings. But here I am, 15 weeks later and I feel so calm and so remote from that horrible mess.
Even the aftermath, the wrench of giving up everything I valued, has lost its sting.
The quality of life I am enjoying now is such a surprise. Just to sit in the sun with a cup of tea and not have my mind wander into an anxiety minefield. Nothing else compares.
Still, I might buy a lotto ticket this weekend.
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