One thing is for sure. From this point forward, I will be happier. Losing your wealth is the only way to begin to understand how people who have never had it feel. I felt locked out of mainstream culture by my financial situation and yet forced to observe and covet it. If you can figure out how to feel happy under those circumstances then you've got it made.
I'm not saying that when I feel down or stressed about money I'll force a stoic smile because there's always someone worse off than me. When you are locked out of one strata of society, you tend to seek your own. Or you just keep bumping into them. I've only met two other bankrupts over the past four years but I've met plenty of people who have been sucked out to sea by the debt undertow. They are just able to keep their head above water but the constant paddling to maintain their status is exhausting. I aspire to be one of those people who are content to live within their means and reject the prevailing culture of compulsive over-consumption.
I'm also not saying that people who suffer financial hardship end up happier. Some people never recover. For some people it takes a very long, very stressful time. I am sincerely grateful to have made it through to this point.
I now know I have everything I need to be content. I have also consciously removed from my life anything that feeds my discontent. Things like commercial TV, shopping malls, catalogues, and (the worst!) glossy magazines. Once I did that, I could think clearly and suddenly it seemed ridiculous to have. So. Much. CRAP! Our obsession with everything being new, fresh out of the pack, to have the latest, greatest thing that everyone else has, is, quite frankly, spooky and completely unsustainable. Because, meanwhile, the rest of the world can't get enough to eat.
I had to take a really big fall in order to discover the lofty heights of my privilege. I have never been so aware of my easy access to education, my functional family, my health and, ironically, my wealth. I look back over this blog and I think sometimes I sound like a spoilt child, whining because I've had my Facebook account suspended. Or a narcissistic wanker. Definitely one of those two.
So, that's my philosophical stance on the whole kebab. Update on my factual life:
Graduated with a Masters degree this month. Very proud of my research and final thesis, which I hope to build upon and perhaps achieve a doctorate in a few years time (I'm assuming it's like childbirth and my memory of the pain of academic writing shall pass).
The business recently won an award! Can't really elaborate without blowing my cover but, trust me, it was awesome.
Crashed my car but my parents have bought a new one so I will have the slightly less new company car to drive. Awkward: this is one of those teenager/wanker moments. In the spirit of full disclosure I have to tell you that I also had a week in the UK with all expenses paid to attend a conference. OK, let's move on, shall we?
Still living with mum and dad and, new development, my sister moved in a couple of doors down so I can indulge in baby squishing morning and night if I want (I'd really like to get a study up on the efficacy of this practice as a treatment for depression).
Savings toward country house now standing at $15,945. I have seriously never saved this much money in my life. Definitely helped that the money is automatically paid into an account that I can't access. Small challenge: the government has ceased support for the First Home Buyers account. This means that July next year the funds will be available for withdrawal. I'm coming up with some strategies now for dealing with this because the last thing I want to do is start eating away at it without thinking carefully. I think I'll put it in a term deposit and try to earn some interest on it. Keep you posted on that one (I need accountability).
In other news, the Girl has met a boy. So, I finally got to answer the question: How the hell do you tell someone you're dating that you are bankrupt? The answers really obvious! Don't start dating them until they are a good enough friend that you tell them without even thinking about it. I can't even remember telling this bloke. I kind of assumed he knew somehow. All I remember saying is: "I've told you about my bankruptcy, haven't I?" And he answered, "Yeah, I think so." I like him a lot.
Oh and I completely forgot to mention that I welcomed my 40th birthday with open arms followed by two sessions of therapy and a course of anti-anxiety medication. Forty-one was a doddle by comparison and it looks like my life will be kicking off one more time at 42. Your mental health is a serious issue and really important to maintain while you go through something like this. If you start to feel overwhelmed by your problems with money you should get help straight away. Medication isn't for everyone, but it has always worked for me. Go to your GP for confidential advice. You may be eligible for free counseling. Counseling is fantastic, by the way - who doesn't love talking about themselves to someone who seems interested? Even just saying things out loud provides some clarity and perspective. Sometimes you need to literally hear your own thoughts to realise how irrational your thinking has become.
As always, the future still holds lots of questions. Will I ever get my credit rating back? How will my history affect my career? Will I ever grow up and leave home? I promise to revisit and keep you posted if anything comes up but this seems like a good point to insert a sunset, a long kiss from a spunky bloke and an uplifting theme song. After all, a happy ending is only a happy ending because that's where they stopped the story. I propose that the existence of the sequel indicates that a person can have more than one happy ending in their lifetime.
In the meantime, feel free to ask me anything you want to know about the bankruptcy process, either in the comments or via email. Anonymity assured.
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